Friday, February 29, 2008

Ye of little faith

Inspired by my friend Piper over at Bliss in Bloom I took a leap of faith this week in honor of leap year. As the week is coming to a close I sit down to evaluate my leap and write about it. After lots of stewing and doubting, Daddy and I decided to take Little Man out of preschool. The Babe had been staying home with me or going to Nana's or Aunt Laura's lately while brother went to school. The arrangement allowed me and Daddy to work from the office or home. Since selling our business in October, I was beginning to feel like I was either neglecting the boys, or work so I wasn’t really getting anything done. When Little Man's school said there wasn’t room for Babe until August we decided to switch to a new school so both could attend together. More stewing. It just didn’t feel right. Why are earth are we spending so much money for someone else to take care of my kids? Right now it seems that I was just working to cover daycare costs. Since we were going to try a new school anyway, we decided to try the School of Mom. I was petrified. What if they get bored, what if I can't find enough stuff to occupy them, what if I am not challenging them enough, what if I go crazy? My neurosis took me on a spiral of doubt and fear. I ask myself as this first week ends, "why didn’t you do this before"? This is what you were meant to do! If you had asked me five years ago if this is where I would be today I would have said no way. I did not think I was the stay at home type. However, I found myself at a City Business Luncheon with my brother in law last week and realized, as I watched the women in the room, that I am not that woman anymore. I am somewhere in between the women at lunch and the woman that I envisioned a stay at home would be. This week has been so fulfilling. I feel productive, successful and valuable. I haven’t felt like that at many jobs I have held outside the home. I encourage everyone to take a leap of faith. Even if you doubt yourself, others believe in you and their faith in you will make you stronger! Not only did I take a leap, but so did Daddy and the boys, and we are all better for it!

Have a Little Faith in Me
John Haitt

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me
And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try
And have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
When your secret heart

Cannot speak so easily
Come here darlin
From a whisper start
To have a little faith in me

And when your backs against the wall
Just turn around and you will see
I will catch, I will catch your fall baby
Just have a little faith in me

Well, I’ve been loving you for such a long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me

You see time, time is our friend cause for us there is no end
And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me
I said I will hold you up, I will hold you up
Your love gives me strength enough
So have a little faith in me


piper of love said...

Wow!! What an amazing leap of FAITH! I so admire you!

I'm also crazy jealous.

The more I get to know you, the more I realize how much we have in common. No doubt our paths crossed for a reason.

What a wonderful woman/wife/mom you are! I'm proud to call myself your friend.

God bless you and your crew in this new chapter! ~xox

carrie said...

Oh, how I love that song! It always brings tears to my eyes!

And you know what's best for your kids. Don't beat yourself up about it -- you made the right decision! :)

Huckdoll said...

Yes, an amazing leap of faith :)

I went through sort of the same thing when my maternity leave was up - I felt like I HAD to go back to work. I WANTED to go back to work. I was lucky enough to have my mom babysit them in our home, but after six months I quit. I had that same feeling the something was not right.

Plus, I was working to cover the cost of childcare and it wasn't worth it - I wasn't the high-flying, corporate ladder girl I had been.

Being home with my girls just feels right in my heart, however, I can't help but wonder if they're getting the same stimulation through play and learning that they would at a daycare.

But for now, I'm not going to worry about it...three years from now, they will be in Kindergarten and I will slowly merge back into the workforce. However, the bond we're making now will last a lifetime.

Thanks for sharing you leap of faith.

Two Write Hands said...

That's fabulous! What a giant step. I'm so glad to hear that it's working so well for you. I'll have to think about my own leap now. Your post was inspiring.

Ok, Where Was I? said...

I think I could have written a post just like this for leap day. I never would have thought I would be a stay at home mom, and then throw homeschooling on top of it--well, I'm probably someone my younger self wouldn't recognize. Although I feel like the same person! I started homeschooling my kindergartener in January and totally freaked out for about a week. Then I thought, why wasn't I doing this before?

. . . Dallas Meow . . . . >^^< . . . said...

I commend you ~
It all goes by in the blink of an eye.

Momo Fali said...

I think congratulations are in order! So, congratulations!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I absolutely adore that song.

the lyrics get me every time.

thanks for posting it.