Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Isn't there a pill for this?

warninglabelAttention pharmaceutical companies!  I have an ill that you may be able to cure with one of your magic pills.  There is a pill for everything these days so certainly you can make one for my little problem.  It seems I have acquired an allergy to alcohol, and not the rubbing kind.  How does this happen?  Why is it that I can go from one glass of wine and fine to three and having "symptoms".  My husband's diagnosis was something called "lack of will power" which I had never heard of so the only explanation I came up with is an allergy.  You see, as I have noted before, I am an all or nothing kind of girl.  I am not the type to sit down and have one glass with dinner.  I am the neurotic type that can not fathom a bottle of anything half empty; just finish it!  Like a pregnant woman that does not have a "shut off valve" at the dinner table, I seem to have lost my allergy indicator.  Seems I go from fine to bad without any warnings in between.  If you are concerned you too, might be allergic to alcohol I have listed symptoms to look for:

  • Irritability.  Not with others, but OF others.

  • Someone asking if you want some coffee.

  • The sudden urge to sing at the top of your lungs.

  • Not wanting to leave the party even though you are the last one and the hosts are putting on their pajamas.

  • Groping.  Of others and of you.  Never a good sign.

Until the pharms can come up with a better solution, the only thing I am left to do is just not partake.  It would be nice if there was a pill I could pop when I realize I went a little too far.  Or maybe a way to siphon the alcohol; maybe not, I think that is called stomach pumping.  Like the warning on the granola bar wrapper "packaged in a facility that also has peanuts", I need a warning label too. My label would read "Goes from good to ugly with no bad to warn you".


The Rev. said...


The Rev. said...

Who sits down and has one glass of wine?? That's pure silliness...

I'm with you on this one, although my cure is simply avoiding spirits during the week. Weekends are freebies!

Well, they used to be; now that I'm in class all day on the weekends, they too seem to be drying up-

staciesmadness said...

lol...I think I might grope or ass smack one or the other.

found you on entre card, love your layout!