Sunday, July 5, 2009

Where I attempt to put down my foot & Other tantrums

deniedI follow the school of thought that I will try anything once, even twice if I like it.  With that said, there are a few things I refuse to do.  By the sound of that statement you might think I must be difficult to deal with.  On the contrary, I am actually the worst kind of people pleaser.  I will do almost anything for you if you ask me with a smile.  It is not that I care what other people think of me; I just like to make people happy.  So when I say “I refuse” to do something, I am really saying “I really try to avoid doing a handful of things if at all possible”.  That statement, however, is not nearly as assertive so I will stick with the original.  That is, if you are ok with it.

  • I refuse to parallel park.  The funny thing about this is my car is perfect for parallel parking; not only does it sit low to the ground, but it is not much bigger than a Mini Cooper.  The thing I cannot stand about parallel parking is the fact that I failed it on my driving test.  Something about this makes me feel like I will never do it well.  That and the fact that I hate the idea that people are watching me pull in and out and scoot in and around until I fit in just so.  Don’t deny it, you watch and you judge.  I see you.

  • I refuse to eat the white fruit chewy snacks.  You might be asking yourself why in the hell I am even eating those things in the first place.  The only logical explanation I have come to is that I really liked them when I was pregnant with Little Man.  It happens to be one of those things that actually stuck even after giving birth.  I would have rather kept the boobs, thank you very much.  The problem with the white ones for me is that every time the boys eat these things they tell me what they taste like; and at times what they look like.  Even if what they look like resembles nothing of the actual character they were molded to portray.·

  • I refuse to eat any food that does not require teeth.  I have affectionately named this food group the “geriatric food group”.  Baked beans, for instance have absolutely no appeal to me.  Gravy reminds me of something that came out of someone or something, not what should be going in.  Although it is not geriatric food, I also refuse to eat cooked cabbage; it is in the “food that smells like bodily functions” food group.·

  • I refuse to do that thing that my man continues to ask me to do.  Ladies, you know what I am talking about.  What is it with this anyway?  I think the only reason it is even exciting is because most of us won’t do it (and I do not judge if you do, just back me up and humor me here).  If we just gave in, they would figure out it isn’t that great.  Nah.  Like I said before, I will try anything, and I mean ANYTHING once.  Except THAT.  Get the hint babe.

  • I refuse to  put my hand down the kitchen sink to retrieve items that may have mistakenly fallen in it’s trap.  The only exception to this rule, would of course be my wedding ring.  I just have issues with putting my hands in small places that have sharp blades.  I realize that no one is going to flip the disposal switch and forever maim me, but I still have an aversion that can not be overcome.  I won’t even risk it to rescue the pet beta fish I accidentally tossed down the drain; instead I called the fish rescue squad and had them meet the man and Little Man at the pet store after they rescued our family friend.

Is there anything you refuse to do or do I just need my meds altered?


katy curtis said...

Hey girl I think it would be a hell of a lot easier to alter your meds! lol

Candice said...

hahahahaaha, i hate parallel parking as much as you...somehow i passed it on my exam, in a STATION WAGON. and you're totally right...almost daily the guys at my office crowd around the big upstairs window, poking fun at someone trying to park in the parking lot below.