Saturday, May 16, 2009

Penis Envy

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envyWhen I was pregnant with Little Man I swore he was a girl. Until I found out for sure, I even called him by the girl name we had picked out. I am not saying I wanted a girl, I just had this feeling. When I found out we were having a boy, I was more than relieved; I was not sure I could handle all the drama and emotion that it takes to raise a young women. When we were pregnant with The Babe I had no idea what the gender was and “hubs and I” (read: hubs) decided we were not going to find out. “It will be so fun to find out right as you are giving birth”. Maybe for hubs. I am way too much of a control freak to not know how to decorate the room. I also had issues just calling it baby. I needed to call it by its name….and not call it “it”! We got to the point in the pregnancy that hubs would not even consider missing a check up; he knew that I would be way to tempted to have the nurse do a quick scan and secretly tell me the gender; the man knows me well.

Fast forward four years later and I have three boys in the house including hubs. There is a lot of talk about body parts and smells, and more importantly, from where the smells are coming! I was dressing The Babe for school the other day while I was wearing my robe. Don’t get too excited men, this is the robe I think my mother in law gave me when I was still just dating hubs so you can imagine the appeal it has. Terry cloth, pockets, and a zipper. It has sexy written all over it. So I am in my “housecoat”, sitting cross legged on the floor with The Babe in front of me as I put on his socks. The Babe then points and says “Mommy’s Penis?” Trying not to laugh, I began to answer when I am cut off by Little Man; “No brother, Mommy doesn’t have a penis”. Not only was the comment funny, his tone caught my attention. It was as if Little Man felt so sorry for me, like I was somehow less fortunate than the men in the house. The Babe was curious and looked at me with a puzzled look; “You push it in?”. Now I am not able to contain my laughter. I simply tell The Babe that mommy doesn’t have a penis; beginning to feel some slight anxiety about how to distract them from the topic.

I swear if they were older I would tell them the truth; that they fall off the smart ones!


Kim said...

OMG.. this is such a GREAT post.. and so true.. bahahahaha

Jason said...

You can't be that smart if you spend so much time searching for it that you leave a hole. ;)

Jack said...

Be happy. Some boys think the girl part has teeth. How about that conversation?

followthatdog said...

Push it in. that's hilarious! My boys are similarly obsessed that I am the only sans penis member of our family. I'm also thought both of mine were girls right up until the birth, with the second i KNEW he was a girl. Well, I knew wrong. I was sad at first, but now I'm thrilled to be a mom of boys only. I was a teen horror for my parents, I hope to get by with being the mom of two teen dare devils...sigh.

David aka Mr. Manpower, Sex King said...

Funny...I remember when I first found out women didn't have penises...I remember it like it was yesterday

I wrote a related post today...well not really related, but it does involve penis...let me know what you think:

What Women REALLY Think of a Man with a Small Penis, Pt. 2