Friday, June 6, 2008

Motherhood Stinks

Some friends of mine had a set of twins back in 2004. When the babies were still just a few weeks old, hubs and I volunteered to stay over night with them to give the new mom and dad a much needed break. We quickly learned that what we had thought was a "two for one deal" was more than anyone bargains for. You feed, burp, and change one and then the other needs the same. It is constant with multiples; we did not get a break. We left blurry eyed the next morning happy to be able to go to our baby free home for some much needed sleep. To think, we only did it one night!

When I woke up later the next afternoon I called my friend to check in on her. She laughed and said although she still hadn't showered yet she was having a productive day. I remember hanging up thinking "how hard can it be", "put them in a bouncer and hop in the shower". Oh how naive the babyless can be!

When Little Man was a baby hubs and I were lucky to work from home together. We tag teamed feedings and letting the other sleep. We were able to care for ourselves, each other, and the baby, and still feel like human beings.

As the boys get older and require more attention and entertainment, I seem to need more sleep. This of course, means I sometimes have to decide between much needed rest or taking care of myself. The other day while I was putting Little Man to bed I smelled something. It wasn't my sweet boy because he just had a bath. It was me! In my defense it had been a hot day and we spent the majority of it outside playing and doing yard work. Little Man did not want me to be alone so he quickly came to my aid. He pulled the covers over our heads and farted. He is only three; when and from where do they learn these things?

I am not the only one that is being neglected around here. We have one of those trashcans that has a lid that flips open so when I toss the trash the lid spins around and around. I wonder is the designers of this trash can thought to advertise it with a bonus. "Craving last night's dinner?" "Just toss today's dirty diaper in and get a whiff!" The other day after I threw something in the trash, Little Man walked by and sniffed the air. "I smell something stinky". I guess I need to empty the kitchen trash. Daddy walked in the master bath the other day and asked if one of the boys just pooped. Nope. That would be the trash full of diapers doused in pee.

While we were in the master bath complaining about our stench, we noted it was time to go squirrel hunting. This is the affection term we have for cleaning the drains. I have a lot of hair, so the drains do too. The tub and my sink were not draining well. Not only is this a dirty job, but a little smelly. I can only imagine how bad the drains would be if I washed my hair regularly. Now hubs has to decide between a stinky wife or cleaning the drains less often. This is a struggle for me too; I have long, curly, think, coarse, dry hair. It is not a good sign when my hair is oily. That is the sign that a wash is in order.

I used to tease my younger brother in law about his shower taking habits. I wondered out loud how on earth he gets so much leg when he refuses to bath regularly. His defense was that he frequent the pool and lake, that's like bathing right? So I guess I have taken a page form his book, after all, the pool is open and the lakes are warm. In an effort to save time and find shortcuts I am always looking for ways to find more time for myself and the boys. If anyone has any ideas I am open to suggestion. Although I am not one to paint my fingernails, but a friend gave me a great use for nail polish. It disguises the dirt under my nails while making me feel pretty!

I doubt things will change, I enjoy my sleep way too much.


Amanda said...

Hilarious... Where does a 3 year old learn those kinds of things?? Funny!!
We have one of those "smell me again" trash cans too -

Tranny Head said...

I have a Diaper Champ which, when the bag is full, is a little "smell again," too.

Oh, and I'm always more poorly groomed (and dressed) than Sumo.

And I have that same drain issue. I recommend liquid plumbering the hell out of it - that usually buys me a month or two before I have to pull the sink stopper out. *shudder*

Tranny Head said...

PS - the pulling covers over the head and farting is the "Dutch Bedwarmer"

Putz said...

why can't you all be like me and smell good, naturally all the time,

Huckdoll said...

Ugh! That first paragraph about the twins...and the dual burping....and all brought back so many memories! I did that all by myself after Baby Daddy went back to work.

How sweet of you guys to offer help though. I would have loved that sort of offer.

And she laughed?? LAUGHED!! Wow....I didn't laugh until my girls were around 8 months old.

Amy said...

This cracks me up! Do you ever take wipe baths?!?! You know get washed with baby wipes. We have been known to do that once or twice (many times) in the past.

I agree sleep is paramount!