One Carry On Per Passenger Please

If you saw the tree house on a real life traveling adventure you would wonder if we were homeless nomads. We bring everything of importance with us. Each adult has a laptop bag on their back. The boys share a big "bag 'o crap". Finally, there is the carry on which is stuffed as much as possible to avoid the wait at the baggage carousel. Oh, I forgot the car seats, for each child, and a stroller.

I am the type that will stuff as much in a bag as I can. My Army veteran husband has taught me the proper way to roll clothing to take advantage of all the space available in a bag. I also utilize the "sit and zip" method. I carry a big purse, which, due to my neurosis, has its own little purses inside with categorized items. No, I do not mind if my food touches smarty.

If life is a journey we have baggage right? Guilt, self hate, shame, etc. I am taking full advantage of the space in my bag with lots of guilt. I worry about spending enough time with friends and family and still leaving room for me. I worry about giving my boys, all three of them, enough encouragement to help them grow as men. I worry about what others think of me. I worry about making my parents proud. I worry about making God proud. I second guess myself a lot.

I am still a newlywed to the stay at home gig with the boys. It is the most difficult thing I have ever done, but also the most rewarding for all of us. My guilt was magnified the other day when Daddy was home.

I was doing the dishes when I heard Little Man say "Mommy watch me". If you are like me, you hear this A LOT. I told Little Man to hang on a second so I could finish my task. He continued to request my eyes. I guess my tone was noticeable by Daddy. My heart overflowed with guilt and love when I realized all Little Man wanted to show me was how he and brother were hugging and kissing each other good morning. Heartbreak.

I begin to explain myself to Daddy. Daddy, I hear that all the time, it is like the boy that called wolf. How do you determine when to look immediately and when to wait? How do the boys know that everything they do is worth acknowledgement?

I think it is important to let my boys know they are a part of a whole unit and not the center of that unit. They need to know it is not all about them, but that each of us supports and encourages the others. Little Man is great about praising The Babe when he does something new or says a new word. The Babe is good about waiting his turn. Now, if I could just forgive myself for not being perfect. I should give it up.