I figured it would be a lot like the last 364 days. Better yet, I hoped it would be like the last 364 days. I hoped 3.15 would not impact me any differently than every other day since my mother died. I couldn’t imagine missing her any more than the day before, or the one before that. For example, my sister sent me a text the night before 3.15 and asked if I was thinking about mom. I am still curious what answer she was expecting. Sis, if you are reading, here is your answer. What the @#!^& else would I be doing? I think about her every day for god’s sake!
Everyone handles these situations differently. I am not the type to get down in the well, or better yet, get a bottle of wine and ball up in the fetal position in a dark corner. I got up and went to work like I do every day, like I attempted to do 3.15 last year.
I can remember every detail of that day. I wore a sea foam green mock turtle neck with tan pants. I can remember thinking, as I walked to the car that morning, I should have worn heels with those pants because they are just long enough to drag the ground a bit with the ballet flats I chose. However, I was in a hurry to get the boys to their grandma’s and did not have time to change.
They boys go to their grandma’s every Monday. They play with their cousins and at the end of the day the whole family comes together for a meal. This has been a tradition for about five years now and even after the divorce I made sure the boys get to maintain this tradition, so they are with their dad on Monday nights.
I took the boys inside, gave hugs and kisses to them and headed back to my car. One missed call. From my step-dad. No message. It was 7:40 AM CT. I knew I needed to remember the time. I called him back knowing exactly what I was going to hear. After all, we had all been waiting for this day. Mom had been in so much pain since they found her brain tumor in January that we all prayed she would find peace. My mom, being the tenacious woman I love, had things to do and say before she was ready to take her eternal sleep though. On 3.15.10 she had done all she needed to do and said all she needed to say. After taking her morning meds and talking with my step dad briefly, she closed her eyes for the last time. My step-dad described to me, the details of the morning. We cried together for a moment and I got busy. First I called my sister, then my dad, then a close friend.
I went back inside the home of my former in-laws and before I could get the words out of my mouth, my former mother-in-law spoke for me. Having lost a parent herself and knowing the situation, she could apparently read my face. I later learned the boys were a little confused and in the afternoon had to clarify with their grandma that it was in fact their Nana that went to live with Jesus, and not mommy.
I think about my mother every day. Although I don’t get to see her or speak to her daily like I would prefer, she has eternal life. She is with me everywhere I go and softly encourages and motivates in all I do. I can still see her face and hear her voice as if I saw her yesterday. On 3.15.10, it felt like I had just seen her the day before. On 3.15.11 it felt like I just got the phone call from my step-dad.
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